Auschwitz

Auschwitz wasn't emotionally real for me until... I had this deep connection with Slovakia.

Disclaimer: this post contains emotionally-provoking content and photos.

It felt very hollow to walk through the buildings and gas chambers where the Jews were deported and murdered.

Whenever someone learns that I have been to Auschwitz their first question to me is to ask, "What was it like?"

How do you explain experiencing a place like Auschwitz?

This question usually gets followed up with statements about how depressing it must have been to go there.

I think the thing that was the most frightening of all is how not depressing, not sad, not anything it felt to be at Auschwitz.

When I walked into Auschwitz and began learning from the exhibits, and seeing with my own eyes for the first time this horrible concentration camp, it was as if the humanity leached right out of me and onto the dirt.

I felt completely empty. Hollow.

As if I had no capacity to feel anything.

I wanted to feel sad, angry, devastated, anything! But all I could feel was numb.

I was no longer watching lecture slides or sitting in a classroom, no longer reading a textbook or watching a documentary. I was there. It was all real. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I couldn't believe how big it was.

Visiting Auschwitz is free learn more here. You should plan to spend 90 minutes at Auschwitz I and 90 minutes at Auschwitz II-Birkenau.

The Museum is open all year long, seven days a week, except January 1, December 25, and Easter Sunday. You can start the visit in the following hours:

7:30 AM - 2:00 PM December

7:30 AM - 3:00 PM January, November

7:30 AM - 4:00 PM February

7:30 AM - 5:00 PM March, October

7:30 AM - 6:00 PM April, May, September

7:30 AM - 7:00 PM June, July, August

After 90 minutes at Auschwitz I that was enough for me, and I had no desire to go to Auschwitz II-Birkenau. I had to take some time and self-reflect after this experience before trying to move on to our remaining, fun sight-seeing.

There's no way to prepare for seeing something like this. You can read all the books and see all the movies, and Auschwitz will still be a complete shock. I had read all these books and seen all these movies before I came:

Diary of Anne Frank
The Photographer of Mauthausen
The Tattooist of Auschwitz
The Hiding Place
Schindler's List
The boy in the striped pajamas
Sarah's Key
The Zoo Keeper's wife
The Nazi Officer's Wife
Man's Search for Meaning
Number the Stars
The Book Thief
Modernity and the Holocaust

I think deep down we all really want to believe that no one would actually do all the horrible things we've heard about. That deep down, people are inherently good.

It's comforting to believe in fairytales, even if they're not true.

At one point we walked into some rooms that had maps, informational placards, and a long hallway of photos. As I stepped into the hallway I began to look at the people in the photos, all in the striped uniforms we've seen in movies. Each photo had a name and listed where they were from. I started to read. Poland. Poland. Poland. Hungary. Italy. Hungary. Poland. France. Poland. and then... Slovakia?

What. I stopped dead in my tracks...Slovakia?

For the last year and a half I had been living in Slovakia, learning the language, loving the people, adopting Slovak culture and customs. In many ways I felt deeply connected to the Slovak people and their country. I still do.

When I saw Slovakia, suddenly it wasn't just a foreign face and a name from history--it was one of my friends. An overwhelming sense of grief and loss hit me.

I couldn't relate to someone close to me being a victim of the Holocaust.

I have no Jewish ancestry that I know of, no ancestors from Poland, and everyone I know has grown up safely in the United States, mainly in Idaho and Utah, for at least the duration of both World Wars. Auschwitz wasn't emotionally real for me until... I had developed this deep connection with Slovakia and this place began to pull on my heart strings.

Hitler had hit home for me. Slovakia was and is my 2nd home. These were my people.

Seeing 27,000 Jews from Slovakia... so many people.

How can you even fathom these numbers?